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*saren approves this message*
*Leilani gives Saren a wink when hubby isn't looking*
"Not blood lust Gamma, blood love. You have much to learn in the ways of the wild, my brother."
Tymvir: *growls and steps in front of Leilani* back off
Name: Servina
Race: Bosmer
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Personality: Servina very respectable and will follow after those who are in charge of her. She is very kind hearted considering who she is, but she has a rather nasty side when it comes to it and she will kill those who anger her, even if she likes them or not.--> So she's nice with a mean streak that automatically results in death for the person who angers her? So, then that means she doesn't have a sense of humor? She's like that quiet one who sits in the corner, always with a smile on their face silently waiting for the moment to unleash their brutal force? Sounds kind of twisted, if you ask me, and from what I have read from the rest of her character card, as well as you making a point to say she is very respectful, I don't think that is the personality image you are trying to go for. The reason I am saying all of this is that what I mean by adding length and being more personal with your character card is that I want you to become apart of the character. She may be an elf, but remember that elves are just as humanistic in their emotional qualities just as many of the races in TES Lore. By that, I mean that you need to be less vague, be more specific so it doesn't sound as confusing, and put more thought into bringing forth more humanistic qualities. A personality is supposed to be one of the most important things about a character, as is their background, but a personality defines the day to day interaction that people have with the role you are taking up. So what you need to do is show those qualities in your character card, and sometimes even having negative things that may make her seem more humanistic is not a bad thing. Remember, she doesn't have to be perfect, and perfection is dull anyways.
Appearance:
I give kudos to you for a picture, it give a direct idea of what you want her to look like, but in order to grow as a writer you have to be able to explain the character's appearance in words as well as with an optional visual contribution. So please, add a physical description, and have fun with it. Put details into your description about her that don't show up as an image, because in character cards, images should only be used as a reference and not the actual full on appearance. I am not asking for you to be as detailed as to suggest the amount of pores she has on her skin from head to toe, lmao, but I am asking for a few brief sentences to describe her physical attributes.
She has beautiful red hair which has been in her family for over a century and no one in her family has ever had different coloured hair for that long.What about her beautiful red hair is relevant to a description of her physical apperance? She has sharp yellow eyes which are fast. What do you mean by her eyes are fast? She is slim and she is 6'9 foot tall. Servina is quite strong and her other formand her other form? What does that mean? And if she were a werewolf, which is what you are applying for, then it is common sense to know that she is strong in her beast for silly!(please dont hate me)and she has large claws which she uses to kill her enemies. Again, it's common sense that she would use her claws in combat to kill her enemies. I understand you were using it as a detail to add length, but just being honest to say it makes you sound redundant. I am not saying any of the things I am saying here to make you feel bad, but to help you grow as a writer.
I promise! (and I wouldn't put all of this time into reviewing over your card if I didn't think you had writing potential
Weapons: She thinks of her mind as a kind of weapon as she is quite intelligent and knows what she is doing.Do you mean in the sense that she has mental abilities, or that she is very cunning? Her bow also comes in handy which was made by her out of wood, and the arrows are drenched in poison. This is just my personal opinion, but a wooden bow and poisoned tipped arrows feels a bit underpowered for a supernatural werewolf, you DON'T HAVE TO CHANGE IT AT ALL, just a thought.She has claws which she sometimes sharpens in her spare time and she uses them like knives and her teeth she uses to suck the blood out of her enemies. This also like in your former paragraph really is unneeded. Her being a werewolf itself implies her sharp claws and sharp teeth. If you wanted to add her werewolf qualities to your weapon list, I would just say something basic like "enhanced strength, and werewolf traits," but of course more defined and in your own words.
Armor: She doesn't have much armor, she usually wears tavern clothes and in times of need she wears rangers clothes. Why doesn't she have armor? I understand she is a werewolf, and it's not set in stone that all of the characters have to be warrior style, because if they all were, that would make for a very neutralized and bland story. But it just feels a bit out of place for a werewolf in the Kumori pack to not have some form of protection in the least bit, but then again, she is an archer so she isn't one for close combat. This isn't really something you need to change, just perhaps look over. Totally up to you.
Bio: Her life began in Skyrim suprisingly as her family moved there after a hard life in Valenwood as they were treated badly being poor and not having anything of any value. Servina was born on Dragon Bridge ( the actual Bridge) as they were on their way to Solitude before her mother had the babywhat baby?, but it was too late and Servina was born.
Servina, in her early days from about the age of 10 to 18 she was a serving girl at the Winking Skeever.I really like this detail it's very humanistic like I was talking about, and I like the gentle approach you are going for with your character that has a hidden strength from within--very creative.
Servina was then transformed into a Kumori and joined a pack where she learnt how to hunt well and how to kill. Servina was transformed and joined the Kumori pack when exactly? What point in her life, or a rough time span to give an idea? Your words kind of string together in a way that you can't tell when something happened, and where. Servina respected her elders and those who ruled over her, she thinks her life had improved, but she still worries about her family, every waking hour in fact wishing she had brought them with her, but it was too late now she would probably be thought dead. I love the details of her concerns about the family--you should put more work into that idea and add a bit more length to your history section about it to help round out your character's backstory a bit more.
......