Writing a character who actually cares about their family (without making it melodrama)

[BardCollegeQuill]

So I'm working on a backstory for an Orc character and I keep running into this wall where any time I try to make their family matter to the story, it feels like I'm either ignoring them completely or turning it into this overwrought tragedy where everyone's dead and it's their whole motivation.

Like, real people have families they think about casually. They get a letter and feel weird about it for a day. They remember their mom's face when they're tired. They don't need their entire clan to be slaughtered by bandits to be interesting characters, you know?

I'm trying to figure out how to write someone who has living family somewhere - maybe back in Orsinium, maybe scattered - and it just... exists in the background of their life without being the entire plot. Not ignoring it, but not making it the reason they do everything either. Does anyone else struggle with this? How do you keep family grounded without it becoming either invisible or melodramatic?

 

[ScrollsOfTamriel]

This is a really solid problem to sit with, honestly. I think the trick is treating family like you'd treat any other long-term relationship - it's just there, shaping you in ways you don't always notice.

One thing that helps me is anchoring it in small, specific details instead of big emotional beats. Like, your Orc doesn't need to have a dead parent driving them. But maybe they remember their father's voice when they're doing something with their hands - smithing, or repairing armor. Or they catch themselves using a phrase their mother said and it feels weird. Those moments are real and they're quiet. They don't need a quest or a letter from home to matter.

The letter thing you mentioned is actually perfect. Real people get letters and feel strange about them and then move on. Your character could get news from Orsinium, feel conflicted or homesick for a few days, and then just... continue being an adventurer. That's it. That's the whole arc sometimes. It doesn't have to resolve into anything.

I'd also say: don't be afraid to let them have a genuinely decent relationship with their family. Not every Orc character needs to be running from a clan that rejected them or seeking revenge. Some people just have parents or siblings they're fond of and don't see very often. That's allowed. It's actually more interesting than another dead-family-trauma backstory because it forces you to write a character who has to figure out who they are without that wound as scaffolding.

What kind of role do you imagine them having back home? Like, were they the black sheep, or just the one who left to do their own thing?